i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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