is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
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