We talked him into tasing himself.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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