The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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