I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
