thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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