he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
