it hurts more in the daytime
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
