standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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