4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
