Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
