Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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