Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
