Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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