About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
