I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
