how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
