grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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