Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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