I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
