she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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