he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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