of course. lets lasso hookers.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
