two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
