There was a lot of him and a little penis
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
