I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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