My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
