i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she pinky promised me she was 18
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
