We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
