once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There's always time for handjobs
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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