I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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