Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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