was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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