Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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