Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Less talking, more tequila
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
