Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
