PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
