tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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