How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
