My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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