I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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