we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
