$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
