I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
