she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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