The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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