He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
