Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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