soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
