Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
ugly people sure do ruin things
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize