Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
