I haven't been this sober since birth.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
