I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I stole a fireplace last night.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
