tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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