are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
