I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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