he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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