dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
