ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
