508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
