If that was your dad, he is hot
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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