That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
