i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
