I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
