Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
