my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
