meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
